Hardy Har Har Har!
I used to be a big foodie and was very creative in the kitchen. The last couple years, I've lost my taste for food. I don't eat until WAY late in the day and drink black tea from the time I get up until 2. Then I realize I need something and grab a fiber bar or handful of nuts (anything easy) and at least get something into me. When my husband is home, I do cook. Mostly comfort foods. Give me meat and potatos and I'm good to go.
Exercise? Yeah, not so much. I try to stretch, I have some pilates bands. Makes a big difference almost immediately. Yesterday, I went with the dogs and a friend for a THIRTY MINUTE WALK! In the SUN. and it was HOT. I came home and passed out for about 2.5 hours and had to nurse my twisted ankle. I will have to tell you someday about why I need to be bubble wrapped.
So now we are loaded with fresh fruits and veggies, I have green chile on the stove, fresh salsa in the over and am experimenting with different "milks". I have coconut, almond and soy. Mostly of the chocolate variety. Mix it in with regular and a semi-healthy chocolate milk!
So, yeah, will get back to you on the exercise thing. I pulled the hose around the yard today. When did THAT become so difficult? Baby steps
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Happy Fun Stuff
While I'm not the barrel of laughs I was was, I do try to look for things to be happy about. Fake it 'til you make it? I guess some people to gratitude journals and affirmations. I used to roll my eyes at that kind of thing, but it's GOT to be better than focusing on everything that is "wrong".
Even though I'm a week as a kitten, the stress diet has made it possible to fit into my old cool clothes. Well some of them. Still need to hide the underarm dingle dangle, but I'm not ROUND anymore. I'm not up to the makeup thing yet, but yesterday I actually put on a necklace. Sounds stupid, but I run around in sweats and maybe some jeans most of the time. I got a compliment on the jewelry FROM A STRAIGHT MAN. hee!
I have 2 dogs and 2 cats. All healthy! They all love each other and make me laugh every day.
I have the absolute best husband in the world. He has put up with so much of my trauma and has been nothing but kind and supportive even though he wasn't "getting any" for a long time.
Premarin cream. See above. It just hurt and I was avoiding all touch except for massage. I used to "leak" a bit (remember PIMP? hahahah) and that's almost GONE. So things are improving (slowly) in the romantic area. I hope this isn't TMI, but I had no idea this would be such a great thing or I would have started a long time ago.
Since being medically terminated, I no longer am in a hostile environment. I had hoped to get a different position there that I could do part time, but they yanked the ADA stuff on me. I had enough systems to fight, that I won't even bother going after them on that one. I now have a great support system of professionals and friends (not many are local and I don't drive far) my internet buddies (that I have met most of), my MIL and FIL and even my brother whom I used to avoid at all costs.
Happy books, tv and movies. I've removed most of the violent crime shows from my DVR. NOT dexter! NOT True Blood, I love dark comedies. I glean from the headlines all I need to know (or NOT) what's going on in the world and avoid the stories of tragedy and anything that will make me cry. I have to get the crying under control. Sometimes I WILL watch a tear jerker just to get the poisons out. I'm usually good until someone asks me how I am. Tears are always hovering in the background. Then I follow up with manic laughter. I'm just fun that way. I guess you would call it craffing! The only thing really keeping me sane is that I can still laugh and joke about things. I have a twisted personality in general!
I'm also focusing on things that I like. It's an exercise I do when driving sometimes because I get the heebies. I start looking for pretty colors, nice cars, houses, birds. It's a great tool for getting out the garbage in your head. Right now I'm adoring my spider plant and ignoring the pile of papers I have to deal with on my desk.
Oh, and music. I stopped listening to MUSIC. I need to put that on my list of things to bring back. Beestie Boys anyone?
Even though I'm a week as a kitten, the stress diet has made it possible to fit into my old cool clothes. Well some of them. Still need to hide the underarm dingle dangle, but I'm not ROUND anymore. I'm not up to the makeup thing yet, but yesterday I actually put on a necklace. Sounds stupid, but I run around in sweats and maybe some jeans most of the time. I got a compliment on the jewelry FROM A STRAIGHT MAN. hee!
I have 2 dogs and 2 cats. All healthy! They all love each other and make me laugh every day.
I have the absolute best husband in the world. He has put up with so much of my trauma and has been nothing but kind and supportive even though he wasn't "getting any" for a long time.
Premarin cream. See above. It just hurt and I was avoiding all touch except for massage. I used to "leak" a bit (remember PIMP? hahahah) and that's almost GONE. So things are improving (slowly) in the romantic area. I hope this isn't TMI, but I had no idea this would be such a great thing or I would have started a long time ago.
Since being medically terminated, I no longer am in a hostile environment. I had hoped to get a different position there that I could do part time, but they yanked the ADA stuff on me. I had enough systems to fight, that I won't even bother going after them on that one. I now have a great support system of professionals and friends (not many are local and I don't drive far) my internet buddies (that I have met most of), my MIL and FIL and even my brother whom I used to avoid at all costs.
Happy books, tv and movies. I've removed most of the violent crime shows from my DVR. NOT dexter! NOT True Blood, I love dark comedies. I glean from the headlines all I need to know (or NOT) what's going on in the world and avoid the stories of tragedy and anything that will make me cry. I have to get the crying under control. Sometimes I WILL watch a tear jerker just to get the poisons out. I'm usually good until someone asks me how I am. Tears are always hovering in the background. Then I follow up with manic laughter. I'm just fun that way. I guess you would call it craffing! The only thing really keeping me sane is that I can still laugh and joke about things. I have a twisted personality in general!
I'm also focusing on things that I like. It's an exercise I do when driving sometimes because I get the heebies. I start looking for pretty colors, nice cars, houses, birds. It's a great tool for getting out the garbage in your head. Right now I'm adoring my spider plant and ignoring the pile of papers I have to deal with on my desk.
Oh, and music. I stopped listening to MUSIC. I need to put that on my list of things to bring back. Beestie Boys anyone?
Thursday, March 8, 2012
So I skipped my supplements (and the blog) for a few days...
Had my "personal assistant" over on Monday. I did 2 hours of prep and she and I worked together for 4. Slept 3.5 hours after she left because that's just too much work for me to handle right now. But things are falling into place around here. Forgot the supps.
Tuesday was running my dad around, locking my keys in the car (thank god for AAA!) Then it was a rush back to the house to help install an overhead light in the kitchen before it got dark. I killed myself helping hold this big thing up while my husband was drilling it in. I was on a ladder and getting the shakes. We had it almost done and then the ground wire broke. It was old. Good thing, because we realized that we had it off center by THREE freaking inches. We will attempt this again on his next day off. At least we know WTF we are doing now. I'm so not handy! Getting there. I know what some of the thingamobs and doohickeys are really called now!
Yesterday, woke up in pain. I was just out of it. Although I took all my Rx's,I 'd missed 2 days of supplements and was depressed and stressed. I went back to bed for another 4 hours. Got up, took all my stuff, stretched to get the lactic acid out of those muscles I don't USE anymore and stayed up until 1:30 a.m. watching movies. Slept 10 hours. I'm better at doing stuff at night anyway. So I guess I proved the plan I'm on is working. That, and I need to move more. I never would have had a problem with the manual labor years ago, so, my next step is FORCING myself out of my house to walk. I have things I can do here, a membership to a gym and 8 yoga classes left. I need to build some freaking stamina for yoga. Thank god they are all zen and don't laugh their asses off when I try to do those poses.
Tuesday was running my dad around, locking my keys in the car (thank god for AAA!) Then it was a rush back to the house to help install an overhead light in the kitchen before it got dark. I killed myself helping hold this big thing up while my husband was drilling it in. I was on a ladder and getting the shakes. We had it almost done and then the ground wire broke. It was old. Good thing, because we realized that we had it off center by THREE freaking inches. We will attempt this again on his next day off. At least we know WTF we are doing now. I'm so not handy! Getting there. I know what some of the thingamobs and doohickeys are really called now!
Yesterday, woke up in pain. I was just out of it. Although I took all my Rx's,I 'd missed 2 days of supplements and was depressed and stressed. I went back to bed for another 4 hours. Got up, took all my stuff, stretched to get the lactic acid out of those muscles I don't USE anymore and stayed up until 1:30 a.m. watching movies. Slept 10 hours. I'm better at doing stuff at night anyway. So I guess I proved the plan I'm on is working. That, and I need to move more. I never would have had a problem with the manual labor years ago, so, my next step is FORCING myself out of my house to walk. I have things I can do here, a membership to a gym and 8 yoga classes left. I need to build some freaking stamina for yoga. Thank god they are all zen and don't laugh their asses off when I try to do those poses.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Caregiving will SUCK YOU DRY!
What can I say? I'm a Pisces. I've done this almost all my life. My mother was very ill most of my life and died when I was 27. I married a man with serious psychological issues (couldn't save him). Hung out with druggies and alcoholics most of my life (couldn't save them). Brother. Hmmm, he's much better. Used to be a meth head, he saved himself. Still annoying due to his untreated ADHD and serious caffeine and sugar intake, but that's his problem.
I love animals. I've had some really bad heartbreaks with a lot of them. One dog had seizures and eventually died from a rattlesnake bite. One had a very expensive knee surgery and then had an a horrible accident and had to be put down. My Lily died from bladder cancer. Sabrina was just old. I tried everything with all of these dogs, from holistic diets, acupuncture, chiropractic, herbs, vitamins, surgeries, you name it. I COULD NOT SAVE ANY OF THEM.
However, I saved my father. His life and his income. And I about killed myself in the process. The last 4 dogs I mentioned all died between the time my dad first got sick in September 2009 up until the end of 2011. Way too much going on. Throw in some abusive folks at work and I was a mess.
When you find yourself in a caregiver situation. GET HELP ASAP. Get a therapist, find a caregiver support group. Take meds if you need them. You probably do. Rest. Take care of your own health first. You can't be of service unless you are TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF. I had to find benefits and resources on my own. I "prayed" for helpful people and perfect timing and I got it. But not after I slid down into depression, stopped eating, drank and smoked myself silly. Massages will purge what you are holding in your body. Flush yourself with water, water, water!
I consider myself an expert in VA benefits and have a LOT of geriatric medical information. If I can be of help to anyone taking care of an elderly parent, please contact me. I want to give back in honor of the wonderful people that helped ME. If you can, get them on Kaiser. They have a lot of support and financial assistance for co-pays if they are low on money.
It gets better. Trust me on this.
I love animals. I've had some really bad heartbreaks with a lot of them. One dog had seizures and eventually died from a rattlesnake bite. One had a very expensive knee surgery and then had an a horrible accident and had to be put down. My Lily died from bladder cancer. Sabrina was just old. I tried everything with all of these dogs, from holistic diets, acupuncture, chiropractic, herbs, vitamins, surgeries, you name it. I COULD NOT SAVE ANY OF THEM.
However, I saved my father. His life and his income. And I about killed myself in the process. The last 4 dogs I mentioned all died between the time my dad first got sick in September 2009 up until the end of 2011. Way too much going on. Throw in some abusive folks at work and I was a mess.
When you find yourself in a caregiver situation. GET HELP ASAP. Get a therapist, find a caregiver support group. Take meds if you need them. You probably do. Rest. Take care of your own health first. You can't be of service unless you are TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF. I had to find benefits and resources on my own. I "prayed" for helpful people and perfect timing and I got it. But not after I slid down into depression, stopped eating, drank and smoked myself silly. Massages will purge what you are holding in your body. Flush yourself with water, water, water!
I consider myself an expert in VA benefits and have a LOT of geriatric medical information. If I can be of help to anyone taking care of an elderly parent, please contact me. I want to give back in honor of the wonderful people that helped ME. If you can, get them on Kaiser. They have a lot of support and financial assistance for co-pays if they are low on money.
It gets better. Trust me on this.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Ustabeez!
I know we all look back at our younger selves and thing about how we Used to Be. This can be healthy or not, depending on how we feel right NOW.
I used to be a ROCKSTAR.
I could climb mountains with a 60 pound pack and camp just below treeline. I swam, lifted, walked miles and miles a week. Did pilates, stretched, was a wiz on the trampoline. Roller skating and racing. Danced while everyone WAS watching. Ice picked up a glacier. (I hate going downhill due to a sledding accident when I was 10. Compound FRACTURE. OWIE.)
I owned the room everywhere I went. While not technically beautiful, I "cleaned up well". I knew how to dress, put on makeup and just had that confidence. I could make anyone laugh and could hold my own any almost any conversation except sports. While out on the town, I did not tolerate ANY disrespect and a good friend of mine (guy) named me Sonja the Stud Slayer. We still laugh about that to this day. Case in point: A singer in a band (I was always front row) sang "Why don't you let me peel off those Bobbie Brooks and let me do what I please?" a la John Mellencamp (sp). He put the mike in my face and I said with a smile, "Why don't you just Fuck Right On Off?". Crowd roared. (hey can I use the eff word here?)
I always made money. Even back when I was a secretary, I had a killer part time job. Then I moved up, way up into computers. I quadrupled my salary within 3 years. Doubled that within another 3. Had a great title in a huge company and had money to burn. (If you ever find yourself in this position, DO NOT BURN that money. You will need it when life punches you in the face later. You'll get back up, but you'll think, did I REALLY need to pick up the tab for everyone ALL THE TIME?
Now, I'm isolating. I was medically terminated from my job in November. I'm not sure what I'm going to do careerwise, but that can wait. I've conquered a lot so far. I can reclaim some of my ustabeez and work on my Ahmgwanas a bit at a time. I have a great therapist and a personal assistant! Well, I share her with a lot of people, but she's helped me get my house organized and helped me make it pretty again. I swear, before she got here, my house could have been on a reality show. Crap everywhere and me spinning around staring at it and walking away almost paralyzed, not knowing what to do. I need to force myself out of the house with full makeup and not wearing my sweats. That will be soon, I hope.
Exes and Oh's!
Sonja! hahahaha!
I used to be a ROCKSTAR.
I could climb mountains with a 60 pound pack and camp just below treeline. I swam, lifted, walked miles and miles a week. Did pilates, stretched, was a wiz on the trampoline. Roller skating and racing. Danced while everyone WAS watching. Ice picked up a glacier. (I hate going downhill due to a sledding accident when I was 10. Compound FRACTURE. OWIE.)
I owned the room everywhere I went. While not technically beautiful, I "cleaned up well". I knew how to dress, put on makeup and just had that confidence. I could make anyone laugh and could hold my own any almost any conversation except sports. While out on the town, I did not tolerate ANY disrespect and a good friend of mine (guy) named me Sonja the Stud Slayer. We still laugh about that to this day. Case in point: A singer in a band (I was always front row) sang "Why don't you let me peel off those Bobbie Brooks and let me do what I please?" a la John Mellencamp (sp). He put the mike in my face and I said with a smile, "Why don't you just Fuck Right On Off?". Crowd roared. (hey can I use the eff word here?)
I always made money. Even back when I was a secretary, I had a killer part time job. Then I moved up, way up into computers. I quadrupled my salary within 3 years. Doubled that within another 3. Had a great title in a huge company and had money to burn. (If you ever find yourself in this position, DO NOT BURN that money. You will need it when life punches you in the face later. You'll get back up, but you'll think, did I REALLY need to pick up the tab for everyone ALL THE TIME?
Now, I'm isolating. I was medically terminated from my job in November. I'm not sure what I'm going to do careerwise, but that can wait. I've conquered a lot so far. I can reclaim some of my ustabeez and work on my Ahmgwanas a bit at a time. I have a great therapist and a personal assistant! Well, I share her with a lot of people, but she's helped me get my house organized and helped me make it pretty again. I swear, before she got here, my house could have been on a reality show. Crap everywhere and me spinning around staring at it and walking away almost paralyzed, not knowing what to do. I need to force myself out of the house with full makeup and not wearing my sweats. That will be soon, I hope.
Exes and Oh's!
Sonja! hahahaha!
Friday, March 2, 2012
Drugs and Supplementation
Given the complexity of the different diagnoses, I'm not sure what symptoms are from which dis-eases. I've always been a big proponent of natural remedies mixed with "modern" medicine. I am the queen of research and have come up with my own plan of attack for my health.
I've never been a fan of anti-depressants. I had a head injury in 1998 and my neurologist put me on zoloft. Four days into it, I was seeing colors, feeling sick, dizzy etc. Turns out that is the worst thing in the world for brain injuries. I wasn't HUGELY depressed, but I wasn't happy about the things that were going on in my life and things were going very well. I took welbutrin as a smoking cessation aid and it just made me goofy and I kept smoking like a train.
When I finally realized that my situational depression was not going away on its own, I broke down and found Celexa. Took a while to get used to, but that and the clonipan are starting to do the job.
So the supplements.
CoQ10 for heart and circulatory health
Small dose aspirin for the polycythemia (thins the blood) and to prevent TIA's (ministrokes, my dad has lots of those)
PhytoEstrogens by Soloray (www.soloray.com)
Respiration Blend SP3 also by Soloray
Malic Acid with Magnesium, Soloray (do NOT take if you are on MAO's) This kills some muscle pain, LOVE IT! It's also chock fulla B1 and B6 and a plethora of herbs and homeopathic remedies. Very good for the Fibro.
C lots of C for many reasons
Krill Oil I like this beause there is no fishy aftertaste and it's a small red pill you take once a day. Joints and heart health!
ChlorOxygen I take the unflavored liquid. Makes your water really smooth and no weird taste like other chlorophyll liquids. It stains like a mo fo, so you might want the softgels. Although polycythemia is a result of too MANY red blood cells and hematocrit, this increases blood oxygen levels. I had to really check it out because it say that it builds red blood. It has a magnesium molecule in it (magnesium is your friend for relaxing and muscle health) ChlorOxygen is good for the liver and digestive system. Notice the side effect if you open the link. Funny, but true!
Vitamin D3. I had a deficiency from working nights. I built up to normal levels by drinking milk, getting in the sun and taking a supplement. A deficiency will have the same symptoms as depression, fibro and other things. Get your levels checked. I'm back to normal D levels now.
E. I take it occasionally because we accidentally bought a HUGE dose.
Epsom salts: I use this for bathing, it really relaxes you. You can go to Costco and get 12 pounds for the price of 2 at your regular grocery store. Once again MAGNESIUM. I also use 1 tsp per gallon of water for my house plants. They are pretty perky now! If you have anyplace like THIS: Epsom Salt Float Tanks! GO! If you open the link and "See what our customers have to say" I'm the one on the top in BIG BOLD LETTERS! I'm in Denver and I think this is the only one in all of Colorado.
I will be seeing a nutritionist soon to go over my "master plan". I did speak to her over the phone and she said I was certainly on the right track.
I've never been a fan of anti-depressants. I had a head injury in 1998 and my neurologist put me on zoloft. Four days into it, I was seeing colors, feeling sick, dizzy etc. Turns out that is the worst thing in the world for brain injuries. I wasn't HUGELY depressed, but I wasn't happy about the things that were going on in my life and things were going very well. I took welbutrin as a smoking cessation aid and it just made me goofy and I kept smoking like a train.
When I finally realized that my situational depression was not going away on its own, I broke down and found Celexa. Took a while to get used to, but that and the clonipan are starting to do the job.
So the supplements.
CoQ10 for heart and circulatory health
Small dose aspirin for the polycythemia (thins the blood) and to prevent TIA's (ministrokes, my dad has lots of those)
PhytoEstrogens by Soloray (www.soloray.com)
Respiration Blend SP3 also by Soloray
Malic Acid with Magnesium, Soloray (do NOT take if you are on MAO's) This kills some muscle pain, LOVE IT! It's also chock fulla B1 and B6 and a plethora of herbs and homeopathic remedies. Very good for the Fibro.
C lots of C for many reasons
Krill Oil I like this beause there is no fishy aftertaste and it's a small red pill you take once a day. Joints and heart health!
ChlorOxygen I take the unflavored liquid. Makes your water really smooth and no weird taste like other chlorophyll liquids. It stains like a mo fo, so you might want the softgels. Although polycythemia is a result of too MANY red blood cells and hematocrit, this increases blood oxygen levels. I had to really check it out because it say that it builds red blood. It has a magnesium molecule in it (magnesium is your friend for relaxing and muscle health) ChlorOxygen is good for the liver and digestive system. Notice the side effect if you open the link. Funny, but true!
Vitamin D3. I had a deficiency from working nights. I built up to normal levels by drinking milk, getting in the sun and taking a supplement. A deficiency will have the same symptoms as depression, fibro and other things. Get your levels checked. I'm back to normal D levels now.
E. I take it occasionally because we accidentally bought a HUGE dose.
Epsom salts: I use this for bathing, it really relaxes you. You can go to Costco and get 12 pounds for the price of 2 at your regular grocery store. Once again MAGNESIUM. I also use 1 tsp per gallon of water for my house plants. They are pretty perky now! If you have anyplace like THIS: Epsom Salt Float Tanks! GO! If you open the link and "See what our customers have to say" I'm the one on the top in BIG BOLD LETTERS! I'm in Denver and I think this is the only one in all of Colorado.
I will be seeing a nutritionist soon to go over my "master plan". I did speak to her over the phone and she said I was certainly on the right track.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
The Scoop and the Stats
After a couple years of taking care of someone else, a seriously dysfunctional job and pure self-neglect, I find myself with multiple health issues. I have had 2 surgeries on my cervix, valves removed from my right leg (just not pumping the blood back UP), diagnosed with PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety, MENOPAUSE, Secondary Polycythemia (due to smoking, carbon monixide levels are HIGH, Fibromyalgia and Hypoxia. I will address my smoking later.
I'm on celexa, clonopin (sp), a steroid inhaler and a HOST of vitamins and other supplements (will address later, some of this stuff is AWESOME).
I dropped 27 pounds the wrong way. Stress diet. Sometimes I forget to eat. That could be part of the polycythemia. So, I'm around 160, 5.5 feet tall and not much muscle tone. I have a very small frame, so it would not kill me to drop 20 or 25 pounds.
I also have to have a lot of dental work to do. Booooo! Hssssssss!
I'm not working now due to these issues, so I've had time to start taking care of myself better. I need to kick off an intensive program. More to come!
I'm on celexa, clonopin (sp), a steroid inhaler and a HOST of vitamins and other supplements (will address later, some of this stuff is AWESOME).
I dropped 27 pounds the wrong way. Stress diet. Sometimes I forget to eat. That could be part of the polycythemia. So, I'm around 160, 5.5 feet tall and not much muscle tone. I have a very small frame, so it would not kill me to drop 20 or 25 pounds.
I also have to have a lot of dental work to do. Booooo! Hssssssss!
I'm not working now due to these issues, so I've had time to start taking care of myself better. I need to kick off an intensive program. More to come!
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