There. I "said" it. I don't cry for him much, but I am now. I can say that he did go peacefully in his sleep in his own bed in my home. What I hate is that his disease turned him into a man I didn't know and didn't like. On top of Alzheimer's, he had many other issues that left him almost unable to move without assistance, eat properly, or take care of his own basic needs. I was THISCLOSE to putting him in a nursing home and just almost vomited every time I came closer to that move. So it was a blessing that he went out on his own.
I know now that when I started this blog it was for vanity's sake. I just wanted to look good at 45. FEEL good at 45. Now I'm almost 52 and I'm afraid of becoming my dad. He did have a good long run at 85 1/2 years, but his side of the family lived to be close to or into their 100's! But he had almost NO quality of life. The fears I have about aging is not about vanity anymore. I have no children to take care of me and I have both genetic markers for Alzheimer's. However, I STILL want to look good!)
Having found the right doctor for me, I now have hope to drive away the fear of aging and genetics. Genetics play (roughly) 25% while environment 75%. Those are odds I like! Although I still have some very bad habits, I have incorporated what I've learned from my father's major caregivers (geriatrics), a life long study of nutrition and intensive research into Dis-ease. I will be sharing this information on this blog over time. I hope you will take time to check back and PLEASE subscribe! I will return the favor.
Yours in service,
S.
XOXOXO
